Now, pay more for eco bogrolls

I don't get it with the loo paper snobbery. A friend of mine mentioned that he visited an ultra posh house in the Northern suburbs the other day and noticed that the loo paper was single-ply. Okay, so perhaps many of us pick up that this one uses coloured paper, that one uses paper with monotoned little dogs on it, and yet the other one has muliticoloured butterflies. But is it because we are merely observant people, or could it be that we are bogroll snobs?

Clearly the aforementioned friend is the latter. He thinks that if you can afford gold taps, then how could you stoop so low as to use single-ply. To me this is rather a superficial assumption.

One can tell a certain amount about one's friend in the roll of paper hanging on the wall. You see, most people use plain white double ply virgin paper because that is the acceptable norm. It's like the white cotton panties of the sensible school girl. Once you step out of that norm, you are labelled.

The first group are interesting. What type of person buys full-colour butterfly-emblazoned paper to wipe their asses with? Someone who thinks the sun shines out of it, or someone who has a chip on their shoulder? Perhaps they just lepidopterous (or not). I certainly wouldn't be too overjoyed as a butterfly. But to be sure, they are not normal. Perhaps extraverted introverts, who want attention but are too shy to ask for it. They are generally women who like to scrapbook, collect photos, and watch Bollywood movies. A harmless enough species who have a long way to evolve.

Then there is the other end of the spectrum, the single-ply, no nonsense, recycled paper toilet paper. This loyal roll was around since time immemorial. Cheap and efficient. Uncoloured and unbleached. Saved a lot of trees being chopped down and the planet alot of unnecessary damage. Sturdy and just the right texture for a clean wipe. A winning formula.

But wait. Some capitalist had to jump on the eco-bandwagon didn't he? So now it's really not good enough that you use good old-fashioned Highveld or Carlton rolls. No. Now there's a brand new brand with a brand new trendy shmancy name and boy, you better believe it, it's going to cost you more. It's going to cost you more because you care, not about the environment but because that new friend that comes to visit you just won't understand that you are not low-class, but that you are part of the green-movement.